Everytime I drink I spend the next day dwelling on every stupid thing I said/did and it consumes me to the point where I am like, mentally incapable of dealing with much of anything. Like, I obsess. And I get random flashbacks of how I behaved and cringe when I think about it. It’s seriously the worst. I wanna shut my brain off. I wanna scream and just rip my own head off.
I really need to get my shit together. I can’t go on like this. All this anxiety and self-hatred and inner turmoil and insanity. Why can’t I just stop making every imaginable excuse and just DEAL with my issues? I have no fight in me. I need to start fighting for myself. I need to push myself. I don’t wanna be this way anymore.